13 Rules for Effective Communication in the Classroom #10 - Angry

http://createdforlearning.blogspot.com/2014/08/13-rules-for-effective-communication-in_18.html

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 13 Rules for Effective Communication in the Classroom #10 - AngryThey probably already know. Their emotional radar detectors are up, and they’re probably already feeling the tension. Heck, they may have been trying to make us angry! What they need from us is to know why things are happening so they can feel safe.
Anger is a secondary emotion. It proceeds from other primary emotions like hurt, irritation, frustration, insecurity, abandonment, rejection, fear, or uncoolity (made that word up).
To communicate well with our students, we should never tell them we’re angry, because that isn’t accurate. We are something else. For this to be effective, we’re going to need to teach our students what certain words mean. Cue Emotional Vocabulary lesson. What is frustrated? Disappointed? Disrespected? Scared? Sad? Ignored? Impatient? Any of the emotions their actions frequently stir up in you. Once we’ve frontloaded things by teaching these words, then when we’re in the moment, we have a common language.
So instead of, “I am so angry with you right now!” which breaks Rules #4 & 10 . . . we could say, “When you looked at that paper in your backpack during the quiz, I felt disappointed that you didn’t follow the rule.” Once again, this isn’t just a play with words. This is real stuff. Words are powerful, and when we take the time to choose better words, we are loving our students. 
Here’s what our word switch accomplished:
  • We modeled how to stay calm.
  • We used the specific situation.
  • We used our specific emotion.
  • We communicated how we were feeling.
  • We modeled how our student can communicate his feelings.
  • We kept our student from getting defensive.
  • We kept communication lines open.
  • We focused on the rule.
That’s a great start!



 

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http://createdforlearning.blogspot.com/2016/07/13-secrets-for-effective-communication.html

These rules are adapted with permission from Roger and Becky Tirabassi's premarital workbook for seriously dating and engaged couples - The Seriously Dating or Engaged Workbook. Roger and Becky have also co-authored a book for married couples called Little Changes Big Results for Crazy, Busy Couples. The principles in these books have changed so many areas of our life. We highly recommend them.


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